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Metamorphosis

Byilana bar
Atibaia, October 21, 2020. childhood photo, I am standing holding a staff, my brothers on top of a horse. A manual intervention was done on this image with the intention of showing my uterus and highlighting my difference with my brothers who do not have a uterus. in addition, the image shows an extra glow in the uterus, referring to the ovum that at the time of the intervention had been fecunded, I was pregment have a month. Every person with a uterus is born with all the ovules. The holes that draw the uterus I made with a needle and the image was fixed on a flat glass to which I threw light from behind so that the drawing of the uterus would look like luminous dots.
Atibaia July 23, 2020. Self-portrait at home. With the intention of illustrating the physical and emotional change, I made a self-portrait that merges my reflection on the computer screen with another self-portrait displayed on the screen. In the reflection I dislodge myself causing the impression of leaving my own face. The image illustrates the transformation experience when become pregnant.
Atibaia, October 2, 2020. Self-portrait at home. I hold a mirror with my feet and it reflects my navel and part of my belly. It is an attempt to recognize the life that is flowing inside me and translate how I was feeling living this transformation: my body being home to another life.
Atibaia, October 28, 2020. Self portrait at home. There is no physical image of me in this photo. But by portraying an avocado seed germinating on a red duvet, I felt represented. that was exactly how I was feeling, with a life welling up in my belly. In 8 months my daughter would arrive in the world. Now I was a home body for this new life. The image was constructed, I placed the avocado seed on a red comforter to represent the feeling of being pregnant.
Atibaia 2020. Self-portrait at home. The image shows my belly with a light shining on it. Inside my belly besides my organs there is another life. I am experiencing the power to generate another life. I hold the camera in both hands and point at my stomach as I lie on the bed.
At home, self-portrait. sick all the time.
Atibaia October 2, 2020. Self-portrait at home. The image shows my belly with a light shining on it. Inside my belly besides my organs there is another life. I am experiencing the power to generate another life. I hold the camera in both hands and point at my stomach as I lie on the bed.
Atibaia, October 31, 2020. Self-portrait at home. I made a self-portrait with my shadow, printed this photo and with a needle I made an intervention. The point of light represents my daughter growing inside of me. My body is a dwelling place for it to be nourished and grow healthy. The point that represents the life inside me I made with a needle and after, the image was fixed on a flat glass in which I threw light from behind to show a luminous point and photographed again.
Atibaia, 2021 My daughter hasn’t been born yet. We already know is a girl. Girl’s clothes are already starting to arrive, imposing gender pressure even before she’s born.
I return to the family archive, I find myself as a child giving in to gender pressure and playing the role of a sweet, docile, romantic and good girl.
with red, which refers to blood and the violence that our body suffers due to patriarchal impositions.
with red, which refers to blood and the violence that our body suffers due to patriarchal impositions.
self-portrait, trying to recognize myself amidst the transformation of body and mind during pregnancy and social pressure
Atibaia, February 7, 2021. Self-portrait at home. The picture shows me in a towel and bathrobe after getting out of the shower. I’m pregnant with my daughter Liz. At this stage of pregnancy I was very tired and my belly was already starting to weigh a lot. The legs hurt and the nausea does not go away. This image is part of the series that shows the transformation of the body and the loneliness of pregnant women. The image was made with a tripod, directed by me and with the help of my partner. The scene was not staged.
at home, self-portrait. sick all the time.
At home, self-portrait. sick all the time. again
self-portrait, trying to recognize myself amidst the transformation of body and mind during pregnancy and social pressure
Atibaia, April 29, 2021. Self portrait at home. The photo shows my pregnant belly with my daughter Liz. This image is part of the series that shows the transformation of the body and the loneliness of pregnant women. The image was taken with a tripod, the blue background is a sheet intentionally placed to compose the photo. This photo has a crop.
Atibaia, September 30, 2021 Self portrait at home. The photo shows me and my daughter Liz sleeping after breastfeeding. The image illustrates the exhaustion of a puerperium. This image is part of the series that shows the transformation of the body and the loneliness of pregnant women.
self-portrait with Liz. invisible. Who sees mothers??

Metamorphosis, 2021.

In process.

The essay recounts my own experience of the body harboring and nurturing another life in formation.

The body that I belong to and that was never mine before society; that judges, demands, harasses and forces.

I discover in that belonging, the power of the body, the strength and power of gestating, another life pulsates in my womb. I document in images the physical and emotional transformation of this experience and the loneliness of a pregnant body.

ilana bar